I need a little inspiration.
I’ve been working my tail off on my new restaurant project, Tico, which, when it opens, will be American in it’s direction, but influenced (gently) by previous travels to Spain, Mexico, and South America. . My architects and designers are stoked at the challenge we’ve set forth for them, and they’re in agreement that I need to visit the town of San Miguel Mexico to see the design centers and artisans; in fact they say “I must”.
I must? Mexico? Now?
Por que?
I’m no chicken-shit, but I’m hearing a lot of talk about crazy, random kidnappings, horrible killings, and the need for a better “fence” in and around our country’s southern border…. is going to Mexico really the smartest thing right now?
Sure I’m looking for inspiration for my new restaurant, but what if I‘m one of the random ones that some cartel decides to make an example out of, thus ending up in the desert, a fine meal for some hungry, yet not too picky, buzzards and vultures? San Miguel? Gulp. Mexico?
Ah, you only live once, and since I’ve never met a taco that I didn’t like, I’ll roll the dice and go…maybe best not to tell dear old mom just yet, don’t want her to worry.
I’ve always loved Mexico; love the people, the spirit, wonderful weather, the energy, the pride, the cold beer, the tequila, the late night visits to the food stands….and I love the spice. Love it.
It’s a long-ass flight from Boston into Mexico City, which is followed by a 3 and half hour car ride into the central part of the country, high into the hills of San Miguel Allemende.
Taking everything into account that I’ve heard regarding this trip, what with the possible danger, the ridiculously long travel, I find myself wondering, “is this really worth taking the risk over”?
Um, yeah (I’ll soon find out) it’s worth it, in fact, can I get a “hell yeah” it was worth it!!

ahhh, real refreshment, just past those doors

I’ve never traveled with my CFO (code name MEG) but I drag her along for the ride figuring we could get a lot of work done and if by some random chance I get abducted by anyone with any sort of ransom demands, she has all the codes to what little money I have, insuring a quick release.
When we check into the Oasis, a great little 4 room, beautifully appointed hotel, I tell her “ten minutes and lets hit the town running”.
San Miguel is a sweet, small city made up of a lot of artists, designers, bazaars, beautiful churches, markets, and, as I was soon to find out, an enormous amount of expats from the US.
As I start to get my bearings, I find a really odd component in overheard conversations; it’s the overwhelming use of the word “gringo”. Everyone is using it and not as derogatory remark…it’s just meant to differentiate between the true locals and the interlopers from the north. Ha, strange.
We start meandering around the town, finding the square, and it’s bustling…we’ll learn that this is the heartbeat of San Miguel, lots of locals and dueling Mariachi bands, but not the area of town I’m going to find my food nirvana.

LV of the local Mariachi Band!

My #1 food rule whenever I’m in a place like this is the following: only when there is no other choice, ask the well-tipped concierge where to go for true local flavor. Instead strike up a conversation with the “real” people that work in the hotel, the bellboys, maids, cooks, doormen, ask them where they like to eat with their friends and family… I want to eat like the locals do on their day off and that’s the greatest (dare I say only) way to get the true feel for any new place. And it rarely disappoints.
My trip to San Miguel is no different; I drag MEG around with me thru the cobbled streets in search of a particular taco stand I’m told about, and we absolutely have got to find “the gordita lady” the maid told us about, all in hopes of a true taste of San Miguel.

The Perfect Mexican Cook...

The weather in San Miguel is ridiculously perfect….not too hot, not too cool. But, it is Mexico, so remember, the sun can be very, very strong. See the picture below as a gentle reminder, a warning if you will…

ummm, ever heard of 'sunscreen'?

By far, my favorite place here is was a place called El Manantial, where I’m stealing their idea for shrimp and bacon tacos. I made MEG go with me 3 times since they were so ‘f-ing delicious! If you’re ever in San Miguel, don’t miss this little local place-the foods perfect, the music rockin’, and the beer ice cold.

the best place in San Miguel

Another real treat in San Miguel was the discovery of Casa Dragones tequila, one of the greatest spirits I’ve ever had the privilege of tasting. We were lucky enough to be invited to Bob Pittman’s house for a BBQ, where this delicious elixir of life flowed like water. It’s pricey stuff, but really, really, good.
We were successful in finding brilliant designers and artists to help create the look and feel of Tico, but I can’t stop thinking about the taco’s, tequila, perfect weather, appreciation for the arts, all coupled with super cold beverages and a special zest for life …that’s what San Miguel truly offered and will surely bring me back.
I love Mexico and I am duly inspired to go home and cook up a storm.
And look Ma, no kidnappings or untimely dealths!

holiday cheer

Happy Holidays!!
It seems like this is almost everyones favorite season; a time that we give generously to others, visit with family and friends, have renewed hope for the coming year, share memories, eat too much of grandma’s cooking, and maybe, if lucky, even get away for a little vacation.
But let’s be honest, for many the holidays are filled with a ton of pressure; you know traffic’s gonna suck getting to your mom’s, you’ve been secretly hoping that your annoying, loud, aunt won’t make it to the holiday dinner ever since she pissed you off at the July 4th BBQ, theres genuine panic that the presents you bought your young nieces and nephews are something they’ll actually want, and you’re clothes just aren’t fitting they way they did at the beginning of Dec ……all of this joyousness leads many of us to that wonderfully nostalgic, time honored holiday tradition of complete and decadent over-indulgence. Basically, we stay mildly medicated with too much wine, beer, and booze, all in the name of “The Holidays”, starting somewhere around the beginning of December and we keep going strong until Jan 3rd or so.
Of course this type of nonstop celebratory behavior is completely within our God-given rights as humans, but to insure a truly successful holiday season, let’s borrow the Boy Scouts motto of “Be Prepared”
No, I’m not talking about buying presents in September or leaving 2 days early to miss traffic….I’m talking about being prepared for your hangover!
It’s the holiday’s, so please, let’s not pretend that the hangover is not a real component of this, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”…… as real as death and taxes, the hangover is definitely in your very near future, so “Be Prepared”
Since you know the hangover is looming over you like the coming new year, my suggestion is to have a few things in the fridge and freezer that will make your over-doing it a bit more, um, comfortable.
I know that you’re not about to make a 3 course gourmet meal when you’re hungover…you want to wake up, guzzle a bunch of liquids, eat something greasy and not very good for you, pop some aspirin, head back to bed, and hopefully wake up at half past 3, good as new.
While I’ve never been a big fan of the “a little hair of the dog that bit you” phiolosphy, I have some friends, professional party animals, that swear by it.
With the Boy Scouts and preparedness in mind, my suggestion is “The Ghost of Maria”. The recipe (below) is a riff on a spicy bloody mary martini we used to make, only it’s clear, and uses “gazpacho water” as the mixer. Make this in batches and leave it in the freezer; I promise you won’t be sorry…well, no more sorry than you already are as you drag your ass out of bed with that crushing hangover.

spicy chicken quesadillas.....tasty!!

Getting back up on the horse won’t be enough though, you do need to eat something, and once again, a little bit of careful pre-planning will make everything so much better. No one really wants to cook with a hangover, so take a stab at these spicy chicken quesadillas (recipe below),…. since you know the hangover is coming by for a visit, everything is prepped in advance. And, might I even go one step further and suggest eating these spicy treats over the kitchen sink so there aren’t any of those pesky plates to clean up after your much deserved nap?
Last, but not least, everyone says “ya gotta hydrate!”! Sure, you can always drink lots of water, but here’s a recipe with a twist for replenishing what your body is craving….try making “gatorade granita”. Sometimes, or so I’ve been told, the hangover is so severe that all one can eat is ice cubes. Well, here’s super charged ice chips with all the electrolytes! Cold and refreshing, have this already to go in a tall glass in the freezer, bring it back to bed with you, eat while watching TV, and all will be right in the world then next time you wake up.
Aren’t the holidays the best?
To Everyone….Happy Holidays and Lots of Prosperity in the New Year!!!!

Gazpacho Water
4 tomatoes
1 cucumber
1/2 red jalapeno
1/2 red pepper
1/2 white onion
2 tabl fresh chopped cilantro
juice of one lime
12 oz clear veg stock or water
salt, pepper, cayenne pepper
Place all ingredients in a blender, pulse for about 2 min.
Strain liquid thru either 5 coffee filters or multiple layers of cheesecloth.
Freezes perfectly……mix with your favorite vodka over ice or stirred into a martini

Spicy Chicken Quesadillas
8 small corn tortillas
Chicken (to be made a day ahead)
2 boneless chicken thighs, cut into small pieces
1/2 white onion small dice
2 oz extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
1/2 jalapeno, sliced thin
4 oz chicken stock
pinch of cayenne or chipotle powder
juice from half a lime
salt and pepper
Saute onions in the oil over high heat, 2 min
Add the chicken, seasoning it with salt and pepper
Add remaining ingredients and cook for 3-4 min or until chicken is done and liquid is reduced, chill and store.
To make quesadillas: (you’ll need 8 slices of jack cheese)
Lay out 4 tortilla shells
Place a slice of cheese on each
Divide chicken mixture onto cheese
Top with another piece of cheese
Place the remaining 4 tortillas on top.
To cook, place the quesadillas either on a griddle or on a baking sheet in the over, drizzle with a little bit of olive oil and either saute or bake, until the cheese melts….about 5 min.
Top with favorite salsa or hot sauce……eat over kitchen sink

Gatorade Granita
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
1 16 oz bottle of gatorade, fruit punch
In a pot, mix water and sugar and bring to a boil for 1 min.
Add gatorade
Place mixture in a baking pan and place in the freezer, chipping and stirring occasionally as it starts to freeze.
Take chipped ice and place in glasses,….either eat now, or leave in the freezer for when needed

zzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz………..
oh shit!! I know, I know, you totally caught me asleep at the wheel. When last I blogged, I promised to continue the food and wine stories from Italy and, and, and…..oh, ferfooksake, I’m sorry, I blew it. It’s been crazy busy, there’s no excuse, let’s  just put in the past and discuss much more current things.
It’ll never happen again, I promise.
So, with that in hand……
I’m what you might call a “city boy”. I was born in Brooklyn, lived in Manhattan, and now make my home in Boston. Truth is, I’ve never fired a gun, not even in self defense….probably the  only one in Brooklyn that can make that claim!!
So, when MB offered up the chance to fly out to Yellowstone National Park in Montana to cook, hunt, and fish for three days with superhero and literary icon Jim Harrison, my emotions ranged from excitement to general concern that I might end up with a face full of buckshot, a la Dick Cheney, who we all know is an expert marksman and comic book villain.
(I think he also had something to do with the government, but I keep hoping that one morning I will wake up and it will all be chaulked up to a really bad dream….)

jim harrison....american badass

So, MB and I fly into Montana armed with 3 giant coolers, each filled with the foodstuffs for our themed dinners…..1 for Spain, 1 for Tuscany, and 1 for Piedmonte…..we’re met at our hotel by friend, chef extraordinaire, and all around superstar, Loretta Keller of San Francisco.
Having never been to Montana, words will never properly describe my first glance at the expanse as we enter the mouth of Yellowstone.

said expanse....no words!

So, our marching orders for the three days were easy.  Cook, have fun, go for long walks with guns and hunt, attempt not to be eaten by bears, do not get bitten by rattlesnakes, go fly fishing on Yellowstone River.  Seemed easy enough. 

We check into The Murray Hotel, I’m lucky enough to get the Ralph White Suite, MB the Sam Peckinpaw.

seriously?????

I know my strengths and weaknesses…..always have.  I let the group know that I don’t know how to handle a firearm and anoint myself  “team photographer”.  Good thing my mother brought me up to be honest, because it would have been awfully embarrassing since it turns out Loretta basically grew up with a whisk in hand and a 12 gauge in the other.

loretta keller....modern day annie oakley

My three days in Montana were exhilarating, exhausting, hilarious, moving, and just plain awe inspiring.  Living on the east coast in a crowded city, you just forget how to slow down sometimes, forget what it’s like to just be with people; cooking, eating, drinking glorious trophy wines, telling stories, visiting…….really visiting.   

With regards to the food, well, you’ve got MB, myself, and Loretta  in the kitchen, so rather than tear a muscle patting ourselves on the back, let’s just say the food was awfully tasty and all the diners were  dutifully impressed.  Most impressive of all, from my standpoint, was the Tortellini MB brought with him.  They were filled with mortadella, chicken, and parmigiano (um, like that’s gonna suck)…… and it didn’t hurt that we simply served them with butter, parmigiano, and 1 pound of white truffles! Decadent, I know, but how many times in this life to get to cook for Jim Harrison!

glorious trophy wines....thanks MB

Jim and Linda were kind enough to have us all in their house, opening it up to locals, new faces, and family, allowing us all the chance for great,  really memorable times   I don’t know if I’ll ever get the opportunity like this one again, but I am truly indebted to all for giving me the chance to see this part of our country, and I’ll never be the same again.

The moral of our blog is, get out of your daily rountine  once in a while and Go To Our National Parks!!!!! They are truly amazing, must be seen, and while you’re at it, don’t forget to bring the wine and truffles with you…..the bears dig it!

Ok, I admit it, I’ve been pretty lucky up to this point.
I’ve found a profession I love.
Have a really good relationship with my parents.
Found a nice place to live.
Have gotten to meet and hang out with some of my hero’s in food, music, and art.
Never had any lengthy prison stays.
Excellent friends I can count on.
Only been divorced once.
And as my grandmother used to say, “and as long as you have your health….” (to be read with a nice Brooklyn-Jewish-From The Old Country accent, if you don’t mind)
But, there’s a moment or two every summer when I deem my mere mortal existence extra special, questioning, “why me, how did I get so damn lucky?” That unique instant occurs when I set foot on The Motherland, The Source, The Place for Inspiration…..its Italy the Beautiful, and I never tire of that first flash of excitement as I imagine what awaits me on this side of the pond.

bracingly cold white wine

This years trip brings us (myself, MB,MM, PM, and yet another MM…..my all-star friends have been reduced to their initials for both integrity and to save space ) to a part of Lombardia known as Franciacorta, capital of Italy’s sparkling wine region, some very decent golf courses, and a plethora of exciting restaurants for us to check out. We’ve chosen to stay at a beautiful hotel, L’Abereta, in the town of Erbusco.
So many meals to discuss that I am going to write about them and post separately for fear of losing you thru the haze of what may have been one of the best eating and drinking weeks of my life.
Certainly one of the highlights of the week was our helicopter ride (you didn’t expect us to drive all that way, did you?) to a restaurant called Ambusciata in Mantova, a place MB had been touting for years but I’ve never been to. Our welcome was maybe just a step short of the Pope’s visit, but there was a photographer when we landed and a call from the mayor during our lunch, making sure we enjoyed his town….very impressive! Run by brothers Romano and Francesco, our meal was ridiculously delicious, made even better by the brothers true understanding of Italian hospitality, showmanship, and pride for everything they do.

you wouldn't happen to be going to Mantova, would you?

Our 4 hour meal included but was not limited to: homemade salumi (MM, the assassin, ate this without peeling the paper and skin away, causing Romana to scold him in the middle of the dining room….tsk tsk), local carpione with salsa verde, lake fish en soar, watermelon mostarda pickles, stinging nettle pasta with ricotta and gorgonzola, tiny tortellini with porcini and butter, duck tortelli with dark cocoa, pork cheeks, local cheeses, and a dessert table that would make all of Vienna blush.

Romano, the happy chef

We drank nothing but “trophy wines”, as MB calls them, digging deep into Ambusciata’s wine cellar until we were slightly drunk and it was time to get back into the chopper and head back to the hotel. (Did I just write that? Time to get back into our chopper?…..ha, sounds ridiculous, but what a way to travel!) Before leaving, Romano, the chef, brought everyone some grappa (not really needed, but you’re in Italy, so what the hell….) and not only did he pour everyone a glass, but he made us wash our hands and dab a little behind the ears as well! After grappa, as we attempted to leave, Romano started bringing the gifts as a remembrance to a remarkable day. Knives, wine, more homemade salumi, cheese, etc where all placed in bags, as new friendships were formed and old ones reunited.
I know, I know, I’m pretty damn lucky……helicopter rides in Italy, 12 course tasting lunches in 2 and 3 star restaurants, magnums of trophy wines, grappa behind the ears, decent scores on the golf course, all while surrounded by dear friends.
Ah, Italy the Beautiful….

I’m getting ready for my summer vacation, the one I take every year with a certain big time chef (initials MB) and some well chosen friends, when I start wondering “is the summer really half over already?
The all-too-precious summer seems to go by faster and faster each year. For me, each summer means a stab at simplicity and, hopefully, a few breaks from the high-speed, hectic life I’ve somehow created for myself. We’re headed to Italy, again, where we will once again enthusiastically embrace some of our favorite things; golf, music, kick-ass food, great wines, fantastic people, and at least one day of something cultural. BTW, that list wasn’t in any particular order of importance, but when mixed into the perfect travel cocktail, always makes for a memorable trip.
The seasonal miracle in Boston of finally getting to see that fiery ball in the sky after too many months of darkness and cold weather gloom, combined with my upcoming trip and a well timed three day excursion to see my entire family, all down at the beach, gets me craving one of my favorite dishes, Spaghetti with Fresh Clams. When made properly, this dish definitely makes it onto my list of top 10 things that I love to eat.
And don’t even think about opening up a can of clams…it’s cheating, not nearly as delicious, plus if I find out you broke out the can opener, I will stop sharing recipes with you.
Here’s the recipe, and its super easy……just want summer is all about.

Spaghetti with Fresh Clams
Makes 2 portions

7 oz of Fedellini or Spaghetti
3 oz of extra virgin olive oil
6-8 thin slices of garlic
2 pinches of kosher salt
1 pinch of black pepper
1 pinch of crushed red pepper
1 pinch of fresh thyme
8-10 ripe cherry tomatoes, cut in half
6 oz of milled San Marzano tomatoes
20-24 small, cockle clams
Handful of whole Italian Parsley Leaves (no chop-chop, ok?)

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil
In a large sauté pan, over high heat, place oil and garlic
When garlic starts to turn golden brown, add salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, thyme, and cherry tomatoes, cook for 30 seconds
Drop the pasta into the water
Add the San Marzano Tomatoes and the clams, and cover the pan with a lid
Swirl pasta and cook……
As soon as clams open (about 3 min), cook for another 30 seconds then remove from the heat. Taste and adjust seasoning .  Add parsley.    When pasta is al dente, drain, toss with sauce, return to heat for 30 seconds so pasta and sauce can get to know one another a little better, then serve.

waiting to be introduced to their perfect mate…..pasta

Ah, can you feel it? It’s definitely gone. Yep, no doubt about it, everyone feels different now that it no longer exists.
Whew, what a relief!
What gibberish am I speaking of?
That ridiculous, constant questioning from everyone you’ve ever met in your life, all wanting to know……“So, ya got any good plans for the 4th?”
Ugggh, enough already!
This type of pressure is usually reserved for New Years Eve and your birthday.
Why does everyone care so much about what I’m doing on the 4th? Truth is, I don’t think they give a sh-t, I just think it’s one of those lines that have been downloaded into our brain, way before birth and probably just after conception, and it just comes out of our mouths every year regardless if the person we’re speaking with is a complete stranger or not.
Have I got any good plans for the 4th?
Well, no, as a matter of fact, I didn’t.
Should I be feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t get invited to some really cool party where everyone wore only white? Should I have been out at the hatch shell, here in Boston, listening to the Pops and Neil Diamond?
Since it’s my Independence Day too, I decided that I wanted to celebrate our country’s break from the Brits by basically doing nothing; nothing but eating, sleeping, and maybe a little cooking.
Oh, but then I did a bad thing, something I rarely do……I turned on the television. What a mistake!
Did you know that they are actually still talking about Michael Jackson’s death?! I know he was the King of Pop and all, but he’s been dead for over a week! Let him rest in peace.
TV off.
Grill on.
And now back to my personal celebration of America’s big day.
Call me simple, but I think true independence is about getting to make and eat whatever you want, regardless of the occasion. It just so happens that I opted for something traditional, very July 4ish, but so glutinous. I ended up making hamburgers. Yes hamburgers! I know, you’re thinking I’m so obvious, but hopefully you’ll make these one day and agree that these weren’t just any burger. This juicy, coma-inducing sandwich (which you can see a picture of on my home page) is near and dear to my heart; I consider them rather special, a bit unique, especially in their independence and freedom from ketchup. It’s affectionately referred to as the “Schlowburger” around here, and yes, this is the recipe that I made for my book and even won the South Beach Burger Bash with. In the name of that good ol’ American tradition of shameless self promotion (yeah, I know, I know, I shouldn’t, but I did…), these really are the best burgers I’ve ever made.
Don’t have the $$$ to throw down on the book? It’s totally cool, here’s the recipe. Free!
Happy Fourth of July!

The Schlow burger
with cheddar, crispy onions and horseradish sauce
Makes 2 “fat boy” burgers

• 18 ozs. 80/20 ground beef
• 1 oz. (2 tbsp) extra-virgin olive oil
• Salt and pepper
• 4 tbsp. mayonnaise
• 2 tsp. prepared white horseradish
• Juice of half a lemon
• 2 thick slices good quality
Vermont or English cheddar cheese
• 2 hamburger buns, split in half
(buy the best ones that you can;
I like brioche buns)
• Crispy Onions
(recipe follows)
• Fresh ground pepper

Note: The sauce can be made up to three days ahead; the onions can be prepared early on the day they will be served.

PREPARATION
• Combine the ground beef with the olive oil, salt and plenty of black pepper.
• Divide the meat into two 9-ounce patties and refrigerate until the grill is ready. (Don’t do this more than an hour in advance.)
• Combine mayonnaise, horseradish and lemon juice in a mixing bowl and season with black pepper.
• Heat the grill to high.
• Take the hamburgers out of the refrigerator 5-10 minutes before you are ready to grill them.
• Place the burgers on the grill and cook 1 ½ minutes (for rare to medium-rare).
• Give them a quarter-turn to “mark” them, and cook for another 1 ½ minutes.
• Flip the burgers and cook for another 1 ½ minutes.
• Rotate a quarter-turn to “mark” and cook for another 1 ½ minutes.
• Transfer the burgers to the grill’s top shelf or to a cooler section of the grill and cover each one with a slice of cheese.
• Turn the grill off and shut the lid.
• After 4 minutes, open the lid. Toast the buns, if desired, and place a burger on each.
• Spread plenty of the horseradish sauce on each burger; it should drip down the sides.
• Top with Crispy Onions (recipe below) and season with freshly ground black pepper.
• Slather more sauce on the other half of the bun and place it on top of the burger.
• Grab a cold beer or iced tea and get ready to make a mess!

crispy onions

• 1 large, white onion
• Rice or AP flour
• Vegetable Oil (enough to fill a small pot ¾ full)
• Salt

PREPARATION
• Slice onions very thin ( a mandoline slicer works well).
• Dredge in flour and shake off the excess.
• Heat oil to 350 degrees and fry until golden brown.
• Remove onions with a spider or slotted spoon onto paper towels, arrange into one layer to cool. Season lightly with salt.

One Day in Late June, 2009

“So, you wanna be on TV?”
Be careful what you wish for…….

Let’s start by saying that June 10th was more than, um, an eventful night at my house….like a good ol’ fashioned fishing tale, the memories and stories told by those in attendance will only get bigger and more grandiose as time goes by.
“Oh, you should have seen it!”
First, this day marked the premiere of the show Top Chef Masters. I ‘d kept my mouth shut for months about my appearance on the show, my experience, and how I fared in my attempt to make some much needed funds for one of my favorite charities, The Cam Neely Foundation.
I’ll admit to being a little bit nervous about the show, thinking that maybe it might be wise to watch from my bedroom, alone, with the curtains drawn, lights off, and a bottle of vodka by my bedside….you know, just in case the editing of the show made me look like a complete idiot and just too much for one chef to take.
I shrugged off the crazy, insecure thoughts, tried to act like a big boy, and decided it might be a good idea to throw some sort of small party to mark the occasion. I’m figuring it’s always good to be surrounded by close friends, people you love, especially when one is going to be on the premiere of a highly hyped TV show and may be made to look like an ass on national television.
It should be noted that I live alone, happily divorced, but wanted to make sure that when my guests came by that it looked like a grown up actually lived there. There’s a long hallway in my apartment that leads from the front door down to the kitchen-living room-dining room area where everyone would be congregating. Deciding to really go for broke, I made sure there were lots of candles lit and beautiful flowers on the foyer table to welcome my special guests. I laid out an impressive spread on the kitchen counter of imported salumi, really ripe cheeses, crusty bread, olives, chilled shrimp, marinated vegetables and tons of great wines, all in the name of Top Chef Masters.
So let’s cut to the chase……
Friends? Check. Food? Check. Candles lit? Check. Flowers? Check. Wine? Double Check. Good loud music to keep guests interested until show starts?
Check, Check, Check.
8pm, let the party begin.
845…. guest seem to be enjoying themselves, foods being eaten, wines being consumed; so far, so good.
915pm….”What is that noise?” I have no clue, sounds like it’s coming from outside, so I do the “guy thing” and simply turn the music up.
930pm… just 30 minutes to the premiere, very excited, but what is that damn beeping noise?
945pm….that f-ckin beeping noise is driving me crazy and if it keeps up it’s going to ruin the viewing of the show and…..
I look down the hallway, back towards the front door, and it all becomes apparently clear why that beeping noise is so loud now….the candles in the foyer have somehow exploded, and a lovely liquid-y wax bonfire has spread out on to the table; it’s burning brightly, flowers and all, and the entire foyer is aglow in a warm amber hue. Oh, it really was beautiful, so magical, and just wonderful; some might say “cozy”…..really!
The flames are a solid 2 feet off the table, which luckily has a marble top. If this was more traditional wood table, I’d be homeless right now, and we definitely wouldn’t have gotten to see the show.
My friends I douse the flames, yank the fire alarm from the ceiling, open the windows to allow the smoke to clear, and settle down to watch me get an ass-whoppin’ on the show. I tried to be humble and self deprecating in defeat, even though there were plenty of snafu’s on the show. We had a challenge to make dessert for a bunch of 7 year old girl scouts (tough) ,as well as preparing a 3 course meal for 16 people using nothing but a microwave, hot plate, and a toaster oven……all while in the confines of a dirty college dorm room! Just another average day of cooking!
My friends were incredibly gracious, even though I disgraced them and the entire community with my last place finish. Pathetic!
Truth is, I had a great time on the show even though I didn’t win, evermore thankful that the next day’s headlines in the paper didn’t read:
“Top Chef Masters Michael Schlow, Homeless Due To Fire, Loses Friendly Charity Cooking Competition ”